God is more than a vegetable

This morning, like all Thursday mornings lately, I spent four hours over at Forerunner church babysitting for a bunch of toddlers while their moms met in a Bible study. Today it was just myself, Ashley, Rosa, and Liesl and a ton more kids then were there last week! So Ashley, Rosa, and I worked with the older kids (i.e. toddlers and home schooled school age kids) in one room while lucky Liesl stayed in the nursery with just one baby. I was so jealous by the end of the morning when my head began to throb from the constant noise we were subjected to today. Bring on the ibuprofen.


Anyway, we had been having a little trouble as usual with one kid, Jordan (not his real name) that doesn't really talk much but is always pushing other kids out of the little car and causing terror. He was adopted form Africa less than a year ago. Then there's this other kid, Jimmy (not his real name) who talks up a storm but no one can understand a word he says including me. So it happened that they were in the same area of the room and were kind of playing with the same plastic container. Jimmy was curling up in it and then another random kid would put the lid on him. Then Jordan decided he wanted to get in the box, but Jimmy wouldn't get out and proceeded to bite Jordan which caused hysterics to ensue. Ashley and I were right there so we both immediately try to figure out what happened and we look at Jordan's thumb and it has two definite teeth marks in it and one side is actually bleeding slightly where the teeth broke skin. Ashley and I had no idea what to do. I think she might have tried to clean the wound, but then she handed him over to me and told me that she would talk to Jimmy while I wiped Jordan's disgustingly soggy nose while he was still screaming bloody murder.


We finally got through the situation and thankfully all the moms there know each other and are really good friends so there wasn't a problem later when we told the two moms about their kids. When all the moms came to pick up there kids each one kept telling us over and over again what a blessing we are to them because God has really been amazing for them in the Bible study and the kids really enjoy us. I couldn't help thinking each time gosh, it's not just you guys that are being blessed but I come away each week feeling like I've been blessed to work with such great kids.


Each week we're supposed to have a time set aside to listen to praise and worship music with the kids and encourage them to praise God. When I first saw that on list of things to do I was like how in the world are we going to get these little kids that can barely talk to praise God??? Then I remembered that in Deuteronomy we are not only instructed to make sure that God's word is hidden in our own hearts, but also that we impress upon even the youngest of children a heart that loves God and longs to serve Him. Sometimes I really feel cursed with my Thomas-eyes. But I thank God that He still reveals to me what I need at the exact time I need it when I call out to Him. Praise God!!!


Just watching the kids this week was an amazing experience. Ashley just played one song for them and got them to do hand motions to the words that were really beautiful. After about the third time the kids were able to sing and motion along with the chorus and the sight was so uplifting. Ashley was talking to me earlier about how she had heard a speaker on the subject of children say that God is more than a vegetable (referring to Veggie Tales), and that we should start expecting even the youngest child to be able to worship God and become proactive with the kids in the church teaching them early on to be open to God's touch. How true? How many times have I seen in the nurseries and Sunday school kids being babysat by a TV and a video of Veggie Tales while their parents are in church? Again, my spirit gains more and more confidence that this is indeed where God has placed me in His ministry...to work with the children of the world. It's so exciting to see God at work around me and in me and when I get to join Him in His work the experience is always more and more amazing. I can feel my heart continuing to grow towards His and I just can't begin to explain how I long for everyone to experience this!!!


Deuteronomy 6:4-7
Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God is one Lord the only Lord.
And you shall love the Lord your God with all your mind and heart and with your entire being and with all your might.
And these words which I am commanding you this day shall be first in your own minds and hearts; then
You shall whet and sharpen them so as to make them penetrate, and teach and impress them diligently upon the minds and hearts of your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up.

It happens everytime

(I put this video up for the music. This is exactly the piece we are playing. Although we are not an orchestra. Same idea. Ten minutes. At least listen to a little of it. I just play it for the music not the video, because it is obviously outdated, plus I don't think the conductor is particularly good at his job. Could just be the lag time in the video that's messing with my perception of his directing. I don't think so. Anyway enjoy.)

Isn't it amazing how perspectives can suddenly change? For the past couple of months the community band I'm in has been preparing a piece for our upcoming February concert that has proven to be quite a feat. It's Shostakovich's Symphony No. 5 Finale. Originally composed for an orchestra the rather difficult part of the violins thereby falls to the oh so lucky clarinets when it was arranged for concert band. And as you might have guessed, yes, I am one of those "lucky" clarinetists. Rapturous joy.


So like I said, we got this piece maybe two or three months ago in preparation for this concert because our conductor knew it would need lots of work before it was ready for us to actually perform it. Was he ever right. The first month of running through snippets of it just to get a feel for the piece every rehearsal was agony. For me anyway. Even though I have a good understanding of music (thanks to all those mini music theory lessons in band and choir back in the day and Emily W.'s college level music theory class back in high school) and how it's composed, for the life of me I just could not figure out what Shostakovich was thinking when he composed this piece.


My main reason for disliking it was because it sounded too exposed. There are a bunch of parts throughout the piece in which just one or two sections carry on the music for several bars. I never have liked that. It's easier to hide within your section if more sections are playing, especially brass. So from the start I knew that if I was going to play this piece in the concert I would actually have to practice my butt off because there will be no hiding within my section this time.


And indeed I have practiced more than I usually do for our concerts. Usually I'll just go regularly to our once a week rehearsals and use that as my "practice" time. Good grief, no one needs to tell me how lame it is for me to do that and how conductors hate that. I can't count how many times I've heard from various conductors in my high school band days that would, sometimes not very kindly, inform individuals or sections "Practice on your on time, not the bands time! (or my time)" So yes, I am well aware that this is not the best way to go about preparing for concerts, but so far it has worked well for me and I must say several others in this particular band. Not to mention any names, but my sister, aunt, and several fellow clarinetists (fondly known as the "geezer team" or "team G" by my aunt) follow the same example. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I have pracitced my butt off, but pretty darn close.


The past month of rehearsing this particular piece has made me fall in love with it. I was determined to never enjoy playing this piece because it was just too hard for me. And I was justified in the fact that it is seven pages long (a little over ten minutes of straight playing depending on how fast the tempo is) and it is especially difficult for clarinets. Through the encouragement of a friend in band I began to look at this piece differently because he was so enthused about getting to play it. Regardless of the fact that he plays tuba and his part is totally different from mine I slowly came around to look at it the way he does. I absolutely love it now! Every rehearsal I can't wait to play it. I would much rather play Shostakovich than a rather lame arrangment of Amazing Grace that will also be in the next concert. The only good thing about that one is that we will have a bagpiper playing a large section of the piece that the clarinets would have normally had to play. And my part was sustaining the same note for seventeen excrutiatingly long measures while the first clarinets carry on the melody giving the effect of bagpipes. Anyway, the point is my perspective has changed in the way I view Symphony No. 5. In a very good way.


That happens a lot to me. You'd think I would learn something. Anytime we get a new piece of music that proves to be challenging for me I'll put it on the side and not practice it because it's just too hard and I'll dread having to rehearse it with the band. But as soon as I begin to practice it I fall in love and can't get enough.


Is that what it's like to truly be in love with God? All I have to do is practice setting aside time throughout my day to immerse myself in His word and then I fall in love all over again and I can never get enough of Him. I want more of Him. I want more than my fifteen minutes of faith. I want to know Him more.

With Faith Like A Child

Dear God,

Surround me as I speak,

The bridges that I walk across are

weak

Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bare

Dear God,

Don't let me fall apart

You've held me close to you

I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand

They say that I can move the mountains

And send them falling to the sea

They say that I can walk on water

If I would follow and believe

With Faith Like a Child

Sometimes,

When I feel miles away

And my eyes can't see your face

I wonder if I've grown to lose

The recklessness I walked in light of you

They say that I can move the mountains

And send them crashing to the sea

They say that I can walk on water

If I would follow and believe

With Faith Like a Child

They say that love can heal the broken

They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior

If you would follow and believe

With Faith Like a Child

Like A Child - Jars Of Clay

February Song

That's Nadia on the left. Nadia Churyuk. Last Thursday she passed away when her car slammed into a tree. She was only eighteen. And I had only known her for a month. But her life and now her death have affected my life and I hope many others in ways that I don't even understand yet.

Just in the short time of our friendship I realized that Nadia was not only gorgeous on the outside, but she had an inner beauty that far out shown her outward appearance. People say that I smile a lot, but Nadia really did smile all the time. Truly she was one of the sweetest most gracious friends I've ever had. I'll never forget that. There is not a doubt in my mind that Nadia was a believer in Jesus Christ and that she is in heaven with Him right now.

It's been hard for me to realize that Nadia really is gone. Mattie told me on Sunday that her boyfriend had gone to the funeral of a friend from school. When she said that the girl's name was Nadia I couldn't believe that it was the same Nadia. It just couldn't be. But later when we were at Panera they found her picture in the obituaries and it confirmed it for me, although it didn't really sink in until Monday and then again today. I used to see her every day that I was on campus. And during my economics class I would see her walk be in the hallway. But this past Monday when I didn't see her go by and I started thinking about her I really thought I might lose it right there in the midst of a lecture on elasticity.

Today was another rough day (for more reasons than just the obvious one). Singles Awareness Day. Need I say more? It's S.A.D. isn't it. That pun was totally intended. I'm really not one of those people that pay attention to Valentine's day and get depressed because they don't have a significant other to spend it with, but today it was pretty much the straw that broke the camels back. First going to philosophy class to get my test grade back fully expecting a C only to face the reality of a very big red D was enough to make any day hellish. Then finding out that our professor would be picking out our group members for the term project. And then narrowly evading my group getting stuck with gay marriage, sexual morality (or is it immorality?), and porn. In the end we were finally able to agree to do abortion. Still not my cup of tea but it's three against one in favour of Pro-Life so that gives me hope. I'm faced with a group of four other females. One ditzy liberal. One ditz liberal conformist. And one in-your-face I have no idea. Then there's me. It's a very odd combination.

So back to my crappy day...

One nice thing that happened was that my psychology test went better than I thought it would. 82 thank you very much. I thought I had done terrible on it. And during that class period Krissy asked me for my address so that she could send me an invitation to her wedding. I like Krissy, but I don't really like Alex (the guy she's engaged to). So needless to say I don't really want to go to the wedding in about three weeks. It's the week of spring break so hopefully I'll be out in the wilderness somewhere backpacking. Okay okay. Then there was a test in economics. It didn't seem too hard, but I had a lot of trouble with the last two questions. They were short answers. Not good.

And then I was looking around for Mattie's car so that I could leave her Valentine's day card that I made on her windshield and I couldn't find it anywhere, but I did see Grant's truck. So I ended up stopping and writing him a quick note on an extra Valentine I had floating around my books and left it on his windshield. I haven't seen him since last semester and actually I assumed he was at UT, but he sent me an email this afternoon thanking me for the Valentine and informing me that he would see me up at Ober when we go on the ski trip. So that was kinda cool even though I didn't get to give Mattie her card.

So anyway. Maybe that day wasn't as bad as I made it out to be, but everything got better when my mom gave me a hug this afternoon and I just got to cry while she held me.

My life in a nutshell

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And everyday I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind

I hear it all depends on my faith
So I'm feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they're so mysterious

And like a consumer I've been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my fifteen minutes of faith
Then I'd be secure

My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

I've begged you for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leprous hand
And lions resting lazily

A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I've seen so much
And I explained it away

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time

Shifting Sand - Caedmon's Call